When couples come to see me they are "fighting for their lives" (As Sue Johnson, founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy would say).
Fear of being alone and losing their lover's connection creates panic in the nervous system, which is not something you can't "talk your way out of."
In order to get better, couples need to understand and end the negative dance created by "panicked" nervous systems. To do that we slow things down, change words, and reframe the problem as a "SCARED PARTNER NOT AN ADVERSARY."
Only then will each partner feel safe to clearly communicate their LONGINGS AND FEARS to their partner and be heard.
Finally, your partner will move close, hold and reassure them of the love and commitment they need to calm their nervous system. This is how we move from an insecure rollercoaster love to secure and stable deeper love. In addition to couples work, I also provide counseling to individuals struggling with trauma. For trauma I utilize EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Re-processing) — which is an evidence-based, body-focused treatment designed to unlock the brain’s natural healing processes.
